Kisses of angel


The photo was captured when I was out running. I may find trace on my girl of dream. Apparently she is very kind heart and loving on everything. She must has loved this wall -_- very much, here are 4 kisses.


So it's been a while since I update the site.

It is now 4th quarter of UCT. wrote last test of the year, it is okay, at least felt much better than the previous ones.

There are a lot of things happening these days. Perhaps I should spend some time typing.

So last quarter changed me, like a lot, or I can say I know more of myself and enlightened my life.

Hmm... last quarter, I asked a girl straight ahead if she wanted to have a date. So she is one smiling beautiful angel, but not those arrogant look chick. (in fact I do like those arrogant looks) One more highlight is that she is a complete stranger.

Yeah, that's right! I don't know her at all. I was scared the first time, but I guessed I was high and there is no big deal asking. So I come up straight at the lower jimmie stairs, tagged her at the shoulder while she was walking down with a friend. Then I asked, she and her friend smiled, and said she has a boyfriend, so that's all.

It is that easy, not the right timing I guess. I felt much better after that, at least not like the averages that keep it on their own. I don't encourage you to do so, because if you do it and it works for you, there are less fish out there for me. Ha~ I am just kidding. Go for it. This experience makes me think in a new way of myself, and don't feel embarrassed at all.

So you hate my guts? I am cool with it, I am always like that,unpredicted, proud and mysterious.


Two days after that, I had a big fight with my dad. The relationship went really bad and tolerated. It is like I went up and down those days. Even my health went terrible. If the date is working, I would feel really sorry but cancel anything, I was really really broken at the time.

I think it will hardly return to what we were, the words are too destructive, I just can't simply forgive.


Then it is the 10 days break. But the worst is that there was that test right after. Okay, thx! went studying the whole period and the break is gone. Great that I find the test not so bad.

16 Sep, my 21st. went to casino with my friends, that was just an awesome night, really like the atmosphere, we talked about almost anything. Of course, I could not just leave my lucky day doing nothing. It did not disappoint me, I made my R50 into R300. Well, I was going to continues with 150 as I was pretty hot at the time, but Paul stopped because he said he was nervous. (He followed my bet and won R100) Anyways, I think it is good to have a mate to stop me.

I guess that's life, I rethink all these things. Happy and sad, it is not a big deal. I think about the happy stuff most of the time. I do think deep about my family issue, we have different standards, different wants, I cannot insist things must go well. It doesn't work, it doesn't work, just like any other relationship. He is my dad, I will treat the best I can through. But beside of that, I am living the best I cam. Most important is the present, I am pretty chilled and in a good shape.

I found it really hard to love someone, not that I have high standard, but it is just my own problem. Yet I don't really know what that is which prohibits me from having a relationship.

As time goes by, I have made up so many assumptions, so many excuses, so many reasons for "why no" to comfort myself to be what I am.

"What about the loneliness?" friend asked.

When I walk on campus at night; driving home in late night; listen to music in my room with a dim light on, staring at the roof. These sometimes do make me feel that I am alone. Everyone has loneliness, however it doesn't seem that lasts long for me. I do enjoy having my own time myself, as long as there are people out there know that I exist in this world. I just don't see how good is to be in a relationship, while I can shop whatever I want when there is no one complaining the price or style. Smile and be cheerful about my own experience, I do enjoy those moments very much.

There is a friend said that, when he finished all the studies and work, getting all tired and exhausted. As he gets back to his house and finds that the whole place is just darkness and no one is home, he just feels alone, desiring someone to talk to , to listen to his story.

That does seem to be very sad. But in my view, I think it is even more sad to get a relationship just to get sympathized. I don't want to be with someone just because I am scared to be alone, to get relenting from someone, to relief my physical and emotional tiredness.

It's just ridiculous to me. I don't think a relationship should be used to get sympathized, or even anything. People should not love because they want to get love by others. That is very hard to do, even myself may not be able to do that. We are not saints or angels... But I think people who love for a purpose, perhaps including me as well, are very superficial. Love should not be undergone for exchanging of anything, not even love itself. We should just love because we want to.

So it that there is no one that worth my love? That's what I don't know. There are girls that I may like, or some that may like me, but I just lack the mood and feelings to be in a relationship. People would say that I am inexperienced that I only get to be in love once. I do think that's alright however, I just need an experience, not like I want to train myself.

May be I am just afraid to be rejected, but I have strong feeling that there is probably other facts. For example, I am not very much socially active, not saying that I don't want to be with friends, but just passive when I have to host a big event or something. You can probably say I am lazy in socializing. Yes, I am really a jerk in this. That's why I assume I am lazy to desire to have relationship. I do believe relationship is very time consuming, and requires a lot of time to communicate and sharing interests. And I just don't think I would sacrifice hours and days to just get one thing. If I force myself to do so, but unable to achieve, then I will just get someone hurts.

And yes, people do tease the one that can't get kisses and making love. To me, I am sure they have no enjoyment from teasing me, but just a glance of ignorance. That's is probably one thing that pisses people off and think that I am such a big ego with nasty arrogance. I would understand that, but I would carry on to think like this, simply I admit that I am cocky in my view in relationship perspective.

People did say if I did not make so many boundaries to myself and stop this arrogance thing, I would probably end up to be one of those playboys with high popularity. But please, don't even compare me with those low lives.

What I want is just someone with a smile that makes me smile. No doubt people would think that I have no difference from choosing someone as a playboy, by looking at this only requirement. Anyways, I guess I do have some other factors in my mind subconsciously. And if I do understand myself in and out, I won't be the person that I am now, right?

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So that's the chocolate cake that I make, in fact there are two.

It is quite easy to make actually, mike/oil/2~3 eggs (suggest to add more eggs), these mix are at a ratio of 1:2:1

Mix that with the choc premix (make sure the stuff is perfectly mixed!!)

The chocolate cubes are only added right before it goes to the bakery, or added after 3~4 baking.

Pic (1) is a failure because the chocolate cubes are added too early, and they dive to the bottom.

Pic (2) uses normal chocolate which can be bought in any local food store, shatter and cast evenly on the mixing.

Spray some baking oil on the surface of the container as well !!

Bake at 180 'C, for 15 to 20 mins!
(P.S. poke the cake with a stick to test if it is ready. Finish when no mixing attached to the stick)